Imposter Syndrome???

Imposter Syndrome. It might sound silly but it’s SO real and has been a reality for me for the past couple of months. I’m still working on dealing with it, so this is not a “how to get over imposter syndrome” post , but instead I’ll describe what it has been like for me and how I’ve come to deal with it so far.

According to Wikipedia, “Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent interanlized fear of being exposed as a fraud”. On a daily basis at work, I deal with feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and general anxiety about my work performance. These feelings are pretty new for me and that’s because I recently got my first “big girl job”. I got a therapist position right out of grad school and prior to that, I had never had a job in my field of interest or with real benefits lol. What I noticed really quickly after getting the position is that I felt like a fraud. I felt like I wasn’t a REAL therapist and only got the position because of my mentor, not because I deserved it. I wake up worried about how my therapy groups will go. During groups, I worry about if what I’m saying even makes sense. I wonder if my patients think I’m an idiot or a bad therapist. In meetings I worry if other staff think I’m an idiot. I beat myself up over mistakes both big and small. I get annoyed if I don’t know something.

Sounds miserable and exhausting huh? IT IS.

I’ve realized that if I want to be of the best assistance to my patients AND maintain my well-being, then I need to get a handle on imposter syndrome.

One thing that I do to combat my negative thoughts is actually something I have told my patients to do (WOW, look at that, a therapist taking her own advice). Basically, if I think to myself “I’m a horrible therapist”, then I force myself to challenge that thought…

So what evidence is there that I am a horrible therapist?

Well… none.

So what evidence is there that I am a good therapist?

Well…. actually my patients often tell me that I’m very helpful and a good therapist.

What would my manager/mentor say about this thought?

Well… she literally sent me an email telling me how often patients rave about me, so she would probably tell me I’m trippin.

Is this thought based on facts or feelings?

Well… I noticed that I tend to have this thought more so when I’m feeling stressed or when I feel like my group didn’t go the way that I wanted.

After I have gone through these questions or similar questions, I tend to realize how silly that thought actually is.

Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Share your experience with me! Tell me what you’ve tried or done to get over it. I’d love to hear from you!

20/20 Vision

First off…. it’s been awhile, but for good reason. Here are some major things that happened for me in the year 2019…

  • I graduated from grad school
  • I spent 3 months post graduation studying for a licensing exam and passed it….like really passed it
  • I got my first “big girl job”as a therapist
  • I got a new car

I share these things for two reasons. One, I want y’all to know that I didn’t just forget about my blog, I’ve just been busy. Two, I want y’all to know that all of the things I mentioned above, I put on a vision board back in 2017. For two years I kept that vision board on my bedroom wall and slowly witnessed as most of what I put on there, became reality. So here we are in January of 2020, and I decided it was time to make a new one.

I’m really not an artsy or creative person, but give me a glue stick, posterboard, magazines, and scissors…. and IT’S ON. My method for creating a vision board is pretty simple. After I have gathered my materials, I take some time to really think about what I want for myself. I think about each aspect of my life and decide what it is that I really want to achieve or what changes I want to see. I then spend some time going through magazines, and cutting out pictures or words that can put together a visual representation. After I’ve cut and made a complete mess on the floor, I arrange and re-arrange the cut-outs on the posterboard until it looks cute. When I’m satisfied I glue eveything down and hang it on a wall. Boom, vision board.

I believe in vision boards simply because I believe in the law of attraction. Whatever you focus on and put energy into will manifest.

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

― Lao Tzu

So here is my vision board and I’ll briefly explain a few things that I put on there and why..

“Consistency Queen” So I’ve decided that the theme for my 2020 is consistency. In the past I have had trouble with remaining consistent with things like; going to the gym, eating healthy, and even this blog. If I can remain consistent, 2020 will be very successful for me.

“Yes, New Friends” and spending more time with the friends I have now Despite my introverted tendecncies, I want to be more proactive in meeting up with and talking to my friends. I don’t have many friends (yikes) so I also want to be more open to meeting new people. Making new friends as an adult is kind of scary to me, but I think there’s also so much to gain from more amazing women in my life.

“Feel Sexy” In 2020 I want to serve looks. It’s that simple.

What do you want to achieve in 2020? What changes are you trying to make? Let me know!